How I Beat Depression

One thing I totally vouch for is the positive effect and value from support groups. Not necessarily therapeutic groups, I’m more referring to organic mutual support groups run by and for their members. I believe that when done properly (and many statistics back this up) group therapy is a lot more effective than one on one psychotherapy or counselling. If you think about it logically for a few moments, it totally makes sense.

In one on one therapy you are with someone who you have paid to have listen to you, this relationship. This is an aberrant relationship. Don’t get me wrong it has the power to heal dramatically and cause major revelations and bring about change by allowing the unconscious to become conscious. But at the end of the day it is a paid transaction and the relationship is not sustainable when the

Groups reflects microcosm’s society, it is likely that a depressed person will have problematic relationships with authority and structure at one time. Often it’s multiple failed episodes over a long period of time: ie. feelings of isolation and abandonment in school setting which then leads to similar experiences in the workplace, or the family setting. Eventually leading the person to become disenchanted and disillusioned by structure and the formation of groups. This anxiety, dread and fear become resurrected when encountering groups again, even if the group is comprised of people who are there for the same purpose, to recover from mental health, and there my friend is the solution: the group will resurrect the problematic relationship with groups and through gently love, affection and care nurture and help the person again trust in groups of people and ultimately trust in themselves.

I’ll say it again and again on this website. Depression is not just a chemical imbalance, beating this drum won’t win me any friends with the pharmaceutical companies, but the truth needs to be told. The chemical imbalance is reached after a long series of cause and effects come into place. Probe into  a depressed persons’  thoughts, behaviors and actions and you find a veritable minefield of problematic thinking and thought patterns geared from a position of survival which once was performing a crucial function but now is causing emotional and physical distress, discomfort and dis-ease.

Totally addicted to psychoanalysis…

Often I come across depressed people who’ve been in one on one psychotherapy or counselling FOR YEARS AND YEARS.  This staggers me beyond belief to say the very least. Often I find these people becoming addicted to psychological, psychiatric words and dialogue, becoming obsessed with perennial navel gazing and introspection and trying to reformulate their worldview into Freudian paradigms and analysis and content to perpetuate a self-centered approach to the world wherein their feelings, thoughts and actions always require center-stage.  A relationship of dependence with a therapist is not freedom and in my opinion the opposite to sound medical practice which is to phase itself out. The ethics of all medical practice always should be to help the person move on and not be reliant and dependent on the medical system. Now where the power of groups come is that supportive growth groups encourage the individual to gradually learn to ‘die to the self’ which released a certain amount of freedom,  liberty and freedom. There of course needs to be the right ingredients of groups.

What do you mean die to the self?

Because depression and isolation go hand in hand it is likely the depressed person would be initially very wary of the group setting and of groups in general. In some cases it’s over passivity, not speaking up, fearful of raising your voice or becoming a burden for anyone. In other cases it’s the opposite, hogging the spotlight being a dominant personality and voice which craves and needs attention at the cost of silencing others. Whichever the unhelpful slant group work will expose the dispositions very clearly and provide a great insight into problematic relationships with groups and authority. To get the full benefit of the group and to be an active and essential member healthy groups will bring about a natural corrective process to curb both types of personalities in order to preserve democratic freedom and functional capacity..in effect they facilitate the dying of  the self…the dying of the dominant personality who needs to learn how to listen and allow others to share and have a voice and the dying of the overly passive person who needs to learn how to contribute and have a voice. In these  two deaths new life is released both into the group and into the person who begins to learn how to function in a cooperative and heterogeneous setting.

Melting pots of truth…the erosion of artificial barriers

In mutual support groups like NA, GA, Al-anon, GROW, recovery, there is a rich heterogeneous mix of people. Millionaires and homeless people are in the room on equal footing because they are there for the same reason. The barriers of wealth, status, power and division and beautifully crumbled in these settings and a glimpse of what a true community movement is witnessed and glimpsed in these settings. This inspires hope and touches people’s heart and sense of purpose of being involved in something that is so clearly above and beyond them. It’s easy to stand back and criticize these groups, being influenced by films like fight-club and how these groups are portrayed in media gives such a negative perception of these groups, as if they were forums for the living-dead to gather and obtain cheap and easy consolation, a bit of tea and sympathy.

Mentoring others…a further death bringing further life

This is not the case, any person who has truly sought the need for mutual and support and entered the group with a legitimate need and want to connect with others and enter into rich and fruitful relationships will be not only duly rewarded they will find a greater sense of meaning and purpose as they learn not only how to help themselves but how to help someone else, how to truly mentor and disciple that person with love and care and also with firmness and boundaries where it is needed. When you become well enough to help others a real and true sense of empowerment ensues. Mentoring and building other people up in truth and showing them the way

Firstly, sorry for taking so long to finally put this account on the net. It’s taken too long. This site has been smashed with hits for the past 4 moths without sufficient and meaningful content. That’s all going to change now I can definitely say.

Where to start?  I’ve really been back from the brink, suffering clinical depression, long term unemployment and severe clinical anxiety and depression. The most of this was between years 2004-2006. Since then my life has been simply a joy with nearly no residual of depression lingering on. I live a pure and joyous life and thanks to these range of websites have been able to help hundreds, if not thousands across the world make powerful recoveries and realizations about themselves. And now I want to put some serious content which I know will release life and hope in others.

You know what there are so MANY resources out there for depression. The self-help movement is ridiculous. Just to make it crystal clear I am so not into self-help. I treat a majority of self-help gurus with the utmost suspicion and caution. I believe in the healing power of genuine and personal testimony. I believe people are smart and sensitive enough to decipher the truth when it’s told from the cacophony of saturated content, many of which is self-serving, they just want to sell books, or make a name for themselves. Yet when I really healed with was in the context of true and genuine relationships with others, and learning how to become a ordinary person,  not in a commercial transition or some ephemeral ‘lovy-dovy’ relationship with some book giving me ’seven keys to success’. Seriously, I hate that garbage. One thing which was such a learning experience is that I was healed not by ’strong successful people’ who tried to secret handshake me into some exclusive club. But healed by other broken people who genuinely understood my predicament and legitimately wanted to help me.

My recovery, as I will explain was so contingent on hearing testimony of others, it really was an exercise of faith as became to believe I could and would get better if I surrounded myself with people who believed, supported and affirmed me loved me enough to challenge my harmful, destructive and inveterate patterns of thinking and acting which were fueling the fire of my depression.

But there is a point. I’m going to take you through a journey and I sincerely pray a depressed person scouring the net for answers, searching for hope and understanding comes across.

By the way I love receiving e-mails from around the world I don’t like it when people are in deep distressing psychical or psychological pain, it really pains me to see it. if I can do my small bit to help and inspire hope, faith and a belief that they will indeed get better than I truly am a happy man, seriously nothing makes me more happy than this.

Justin talks about how difficult it was to cope with a chronic pain condition and depression at the same time.

When I first got diagnosed with depression I thought back over my life…and an important realization was made. I has experienced depression for years without recognizing it for what it was. I suffered mostly in silence, hiding layers guilt and shame as I battled through life, trudging more like it trying to stay on top of things, in control.

Ok I was born in Sydney to two loving parents, grew up with a younger brother who now towers over me in height, which is quite amazing considering I’m one tall chap myself. I grew up a shy child, generally withdrawn from others and prone to doing quiet reflections, spending time in books and alone. Feeling sometimes quiet alone and cut off from others.Growing up at that time my parent’s were not in the best space either, their relationship appeared quite detached to me, I remember them fighting in front of me and being quite intimidated and scared many times not knowing how and when tension in their relationship would manifest and why it was doing so in the first place.

Can I just stop here quickly to let you know that I am not in any way going to use this website to bag my parents. People who blame their parents for all their problems never grow up, I love my parents a lot and our relationship now has never been better. I am truly grateful for their loving care throughout the years, one of the reason we have built such a successful relationship nowadays is

Ok, so growing up my Mum was also a practicing alcoholic whose anxiety and uncertainty I absorbed, my Dad generally was very work-oriented who has a serious temper , and was prone to excessively  brooding in cold  silence,. So on the one hand  I was absorbing the anxiety from my  Mum and generally was frightened  and apprehensive of my Dad. At this age around 4-6 I really couldn’t talk to anyone else about these fears and uncertainties that began to plague and torment my mind.

Entering school I noticed that I became uncomfortable in social setting, paranoid about not fitting in and not feeling comfortable with others. I started to become increasingly attracted to spending a lot of time in fantasy, reading tonnes of comics, fiction books and delving into my mind as I either pictures myself in these worlds of fantasy. Growing up in high school movies began to take a serious interest, I loved to immerse myself in fiction. In terms of school work I struggled to pay attention in class, being easily distracted by my mind which would again daydream excessively. I also struggled to understand concepts and material, being to afraid and frightened to reach out for help and too anxious to speak up and admit I didn’t understand anything. Being too afraid of what other people would think of me. Patterns on entrenched thoughts, feelings and behaviors were taking shape. I became also fearful at night, become convinced people were going to break into my house and murder me. I stayed up most night as a self-imposed watchman, guarding and watching out for terrorists of the night, guarding for myself. Not trusting in my parents and believing the world was a dark place full of uncertainty and shadows of the night. I was also to be aware of increasing nightmares during night and occasional bed wetting which went well past the due by date. These all made me very wary of my body and again very frightened that certain forces were beyond me control pulling me here and there at whim.

At school I was performing badly, I had given up and settled for mediocrity. I started to really believe the idea that I was just very ordinary and not intelligent at all. Choosing to spend time in fantasy excessively I struggled to comprehend information and struggled to articulate my ideas. Many school papers noted problems of expression and articulation.

I struggled to make friends and build enriching and positive relationships. Often I found making friends just hard. I didn’t know how to fit in, I started really becoming uncomfortable in my own skin.

Internally I was fighting the world. I suffered some bullying in high school too. What can I say sometimes kids can be cruel, I also bullied other people when I got the chance too, the weaker ones, but I didn’t too this too often. I knew from a young age that I had a caring, compassionate heart but I just couldn’t let it out, I had too bury it under layers of protection. Not being able to form friendships came from trust issues, if I couldn’t trust my parents, how my body reacted to things or myself how could I begin to trust in others. I viewed others as more stronger than myself, more together, more in control, with more composure. They had legitimate lives whereas mine wasn’t. During high school I really became convinced people’s internal state was akin to the image they were presenting to the world.

So I became drawn into doing things to give me more status and seemingly powerful. I became more and more attracted to stronger personalities, copying seemingly strong and powerful people to make friends or to better relationships. None of this was the true me, most of it was motivated by good intentions by a painful inability to be myself or be comfortable with others.

I went into university plagued with self doubt, everything started to become more and more of a struggle. When university finished I thought it would be freedom, unshackled from the structure and routine of school. So, often in vain and feeble ways, I tried to fit in, I also got into drinking, not hardcore because I always had a very weak stomach and was always quite the anxious type so alcohol and my stomach didn’t always shake hands too well, with my stomach normally winning at the end of the day, or night. I did form some good relationships, some with people who are still my closest friends.

I continued to amble in life, with no clear sense of direction or purpose, getting up in the morning became harder and harder, in fact the more I lived a life crippled with doubt, fear and incessant worry I became worn down, everything took effort, and more effort, yet other people seemingly breezed through these situations easily. I became more and more disenchanted, these sings just confirmed my suspicion that indeed there was something seriously wrong with me.

I began to hate and fear social situations. Just the sound of a crowd or party would send me deep into fear territory. As my depression deepened so did my anxiety. I frequently had panic attacks and breathing difficulty.

This notion became more and more entrenched as time goes on. I aimed to try and do something what I loved writing and shape a career out of journalism. I also did some work in.

But it was hard. I had erected a mask just to keep me going. It was not that I was strategically or manipulating situations for self-gain. If anything it was just to show that I was not defeated by life. I thought no one would really understand or know really what I was going through and even if they did they would ultimately reject me. I felt ugly inside and out.

My language also began to condemn be loudly. It was almost as if there was an accuser inside me tormenting me and calling me a failure. At work I used to go into the toilet frequently and hid, frequently chastising myself.

What were my university marks like? Average. Just like school. I always knew there was latent  talent wanting to come out, but I sabotaged everything I wouldn’t study, would not put in legitimate hard work, I became really uncomfortable in social setting, including classrooms, all different environments appeared to reinforce my ‘aloneness,’ aloofness, disconnectedness. I just couldn’t pay attention and learn and most times of conscious thought was devoted to how self-conscious and perennially uncomfortable I felt in my own skin and talking with

My posture worsened accordingly. The mind may try many techniques to hid the emotional and psychological pain my psyche was experiencing, but it was beginning to be manifested through the body. Dull aches and pains continued to grow and my growing awareness of them continued to heighten and become enveloping and obsessive.

I didn’t know what I wanted to do work wise so I floated through some sales roles without much direction and purpose. I generally was slipping mentally. I found it harder and harder to wake up in the morning, it was as if I became more and more leaden, weighed down and oppressed by my own harshness against myself and the growing difficulty of everyday life, everything just seemed to challenging and daunting. Added to this I continues to judge other people on appearances, everyone else looked so together, so composed, so ‘with-it’.

The oneset of depressive symptoms becoming alarmingly apparent was triggered by a relationship breakdown. I was in a four year relationship which dissolved. This coincided with a resurgence of Repetitive Strain Injury symptoms which came about as a result of chronic negligence of my body and compounding ‘psych ache’ from depression coming together. (How I Beat RSI). I entered into unemployment and then tried to focus on getting physically better.

So I tried and tried, believing most of the problems were bound by physical distress. Really knowing nothing about the emotional maelstrom which was producing the pain and conflict within. I tried and tried but not to avail. Everything began to seem hopeless, I got fed up with making promises and resolutions to myself. The world started to become a bleak place, even previous and dear things to me, such as classical and film music, lost their appeal and power, a numbness began to set in and overwhelm and dominate my emotional system and processing.

Anxiety grew and depression grew and I was growing into a state of constant fear and malaise punctuated by daily panic attacks, repetitive thoughts and over analysis. My chronic pain condition gave me ammunition for my mind to be constantly going.

Having depression for years it comes and goes, there was this gnawing sense of unease of