How Graeme beat chronic melancholic depression and suicide

Graeme Cowan has been back from the brink. Well and truly.

Raised in a solid, supportive and loving family, Graeme was always a high achiever and a go getter on all levels.  His parents recall  Graeme was a natural born leader, excelling in all endeavors he put his mind to. Although whilst very popular and successful he always grounded himself in community-building and charity events, this thirst to give back weaves a thread through Graeme’s entire narrative. In time Graeme translated his hard drive into a successful career in high level sales and marketing and then corporate headhunting.

Had a loving family and two children, from all outward appearances he was doing well. But then things went wrong, profoundly wrong. From a cursory outside perspective he was doing well, his inner life, however, was disorganised, fearful, anxious and profoundly depressed. Uncertainty about his career rattled his sleep, he would be wide awake at 3.30am in the morning staring at the ceiling, not knowing how to reach out and communicate his feelings and struggles.  Graeme felt that a man must be on top of things so he fought these feelings and struggled to work despite feeling very drained, the cycle of decline continued.

When you are in the midst of depression, you can’t even remember feeling well, and after a while it just doesn’t seem possible that you will get better.

In Graeme’s darkest hour he attempted suicide three times in one night with his wife and young daughter sleeping only rooms away. Graeme contacted Lifeline in desperation who referred him to a psychologist at a local area health team who suspected  depression, Graeme needed a referral from a GP to see a psychiatrist.

This next paragraph is word for word from Grame’s book Back from the Brink as it illustrates woeful and disgraceful medical practice and a blatant disregard for basic duty of care and powerfully reminds us why GP education about basic mental health first aid is vital:

That meeting was truly remarkable and knowing that I know now that doctor was not fit to practise medicine. After I told him ym story (including the suicide attempt), he concluded that I wasn’t really depressed, just a bit stressed. He was abusive to the psychologist for having the audacity to suggest I might be suffering from depression. Depressed people were catatonic and clearly I was able to converse. He prescribed some tranquilizers and suggested I cancel the appointment with the psychiatrist.

Graeme was admitted into a private psychiatric hospital, he quickly got back on his own to feet thanks to some medication, however once back in a pressure environment at work led to more unemployment and ongoing bouts of severe depression comprising of suicidal thought and anxiety. Graeme’s marriage dissolved, and we moved back in with his parents in Northern NSW. Another suicide attempt ensued and more treatment at private psychiatric facilities.

So how on earth did Graeme recovery, how did he not only beat depression but bounced back and thrive?

Graeme’s recovery, like most, was not instant it was steady and involved a lot of hard work and perseverance. A mosaic of different services coupled with Graeme’s own internal convictions and resolutions came together to slowly nudge Graeme’s mood up and up until he was able and functional to be independent again, from that moment on Graeme has learned the art of bouncing back from adversity, it hasn’t come quickly, easily or with any magic bullet, but it has come – much to his own and the communities benefit.

Whilst attending an outpatient course on depression management a focus was on setting weekly goals. Setting goals had been part and parcel for Graeme in his career mode, he transferred these skills into his personal domain and took a pragmatic approach to tacking his depression by focusing on smaller achievable goals. Graeme made the decision to up his exercise from around three days per week  to six days per week. He also made the effort to make regular contact with family and friends, something which wasn’t easy to do as when you are depressed the last thing you want is human contact. A  combination of of the upped exercise, human contact and positive effects of medication managed to raise Graeme’s mood from around 2/10 to 5/10 (Graeme has been in habit of scaling his mood which was helpful for him to see improvement and concerned ones knowing when we was entering a high risk period). A friend recommended Graeme try regular meditation and after attending a course on meditation he made the resolution to practice meditation twice per day. The increased meditation time helped bump his mood levels up to about a 7 or an 8. Graeme also reprioritised his life and created yearly goals for each domain which were broken down into monthly and weekly goals. Sometimes Graeme would still struggle to get out of bed, but still he was able to clearly track his improvement and his mood by reflection on these three goals domains.

 

vitality : improved diet, exercise

intimacy: increased family, friend time, connecting with older friends, attending support groups

prosperity: donating 10% to mental health charities , goal setting, book writing , contributions to the wider world

During his recovery Graeme realised he yearned for similar stories of other people who experienced depression, a similar yearning also motivated the creation of How I Beat websites.  Depression can be a very lonely business at times and its common for people who are stuck in deep depression to believe they are the only ones in the world going through this type of experience. While common sense and logic would easily reasons otherwise, the problem is  that when you are stuck in depression logic and common sense don’t come too easily, sometimes they barely turn up at all.  Similar stories can be vital in one’s own recovery, you feel less alone, less disconnected and hope can be so important, believing you can get precedes getting better.

Graeme decided to be proactive and compile a book covering stories of successful recovery from depression from a cross section of Australia, celebrities, sports stats, politicians and the common folk. In many ways this cross section reminds me of why 12-step programs are so popular and powerful, they, like Graeme’s book provide a melting pot of genuine stories and makes people realise the fact that no one is immune from mental health issues.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More recently Graeme followed up Back from the Brink with Back from the Brink Too, ‘Helping your loved one overcome depression’. Another fantastic books which looks at the critical function of carers for people with depression, most often close friends and family.

He’s now in a great place, he is much happier place now has learned more from adversities than successes. He views his long journey and battle with depression as incredibly formative and valuable. A furnace in which Graeme was able to reprioritise his  life and paradoxically he has never been calmer or more productive.

 

My personal journey with Graeme

I first met Graeme in a GROW support group in Chatswood during 2005. His gentle, kind and wise guidance proved invaluable in my own recovery. When I met him Graeme was he was trying everything to nearly no avail, it was hard because he was trying so hard to beat depression but nothing really was working. He tried the gamut of treatments and interventions, most were of little to no effect for him. His own psychiatrist called his depression the most severe he has ever come across. Graeme was in and out private psychiatric hospitals and undertook ECT as his depression was not responding to medication. Over the past 5 years I’ve seen monumental and lasting growth, one of the most satisfying things is watching Graeme take control of his mental faculties again and use many skills he acquired over the years into creating important books targeted first and foremost to depression sufferers and their carers.

Graeme has a new philosophy on depression: bounce back and thrive. He – like myself – are fans of positive psychology movement, a movement which argues that mental health papers and industry is consumed with negative ideas: disorders, dysfunctions, diseases, maladjustment. Positive psychology instead focuses on a persons strengths, skills and resilience and how they can use such . It is blatantly obvious Graeme has leaned on his strengths, resilience and wherewithal during his recovery from depression. When I hear Graeme’s story: exercise, goal setting and prioritising come to the fore as crucial factors he adjusted into order to balance his life and thrive. Good on him! – Justin Bennett

 

Graeme has used his experience to indeed bounce back and thrive and now is a highly sought after leader, speaker and writer in mental health issues and the workplace. His true nature, so evident in his childhood continues and thrives, his very dark chapters are now illuminating and radiating hope in the forms of books, CD’s which impart hope for thousands of Australians and many people around the world. His story can be heard in audio from the Black Dog Website:

Connect with Graeme on

 

 

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